New Mantra

You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there. I need to remember this.

It has been an exceptionally tough few months for me. I thankfully haven't had anything seriously bad happen to me, but I am struggling, as usual, with me. Side effect of the self doubt and self pity...no results on the weight loss path. I think I have just started to realize that if I keep this negative, pessimistic attitude towards life in general (which anyone who knows me knows is no who I am at all...bit it has been that way lately) then I am not going to see positive changes in my life.

I read the quote I opened this post with, earlier today. I need to get out of the water before I drown. I have come up for air once or twice recently, but I end up face first again with in a day or two. I need to stop letting other people dictate what kind of mood I am going to be in. I need to get back to me! Today is the first day of the swim towards shore.

Time to re-evaluate (AGAIN!)

Okay, so the new program I started back in August proved to be exactly what I needed for performance while running. I was able to shave almost 10 minutes off of my personal best time for running the half marathon back in September. I have a new goal of getting under 2 hours by my next half marathon, which is looking like sometime in the early spring (Halifax or Fredericton??).

Unfortunately I am seeing ZERO results on the scale. I know the scale is just a number, but as far as weight loss/definition and sculpting this new plan doesn't seem to be working. I try so hard not t get frustrated, and to experiment with different things. This past week was a huge slap in the face at weigh in. I was as close to perfect as I have ever been with my timing, with my water, with what I ate. I also made sure to get to the gym just about every day. Result...up 3 pounds!! WTF! I had the worst week ever two weeks ago as far as being on plan, and I was only up a half pound then. FRUSTRATED to say the least.

My consultant has been great with trying to help me figure out what could be hindering my success on the scale. I have to remember I have lost 80 (plus or minus depending on the week) pounds. I AM successful, I have maintained that weight loss for almost 3 years now. BUT, I just want a little more. To hit that 100 pound mark would make me soar. I want to be able to put on a two piece bathing suit with pride. I also want one day where I don't think about every ounce of food i put in my body, and I don't stress out about missing one day at the gym...

so what have we narrowed it down to....stress! Stress hinders weight loss, that is not a secret. I am having some serious doubts about my career path, I am stressed out about losing the weight, I am high strung in regards to getting my new place decorated and "put together". These are all things that have been there, nipping at the back of my mind, for ever (mind you the house has changed 4 times in 3 years...which could also be adding to the stress). So what is my solution.... I don't know just yet. I need a hobby...i need something I am passionate about that I can focus on and feel good about. I need something I am good at. Now to find it. I have tons of ideas, have for a long time...now I just need to put something into action. Lets see where this goes :)