New Mantra

You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there. I need to remember this.

It has been an exceptionally tough few months for me. I thankfully haven't had anything seriously bad happen to me, but I am struggling, as usual, with me. Side effect of the self doubt and self pity...no results on the weight loss path. I think I have just started to realize that if I keep this negative, pessimistic attitude towards life in general (which anyone who knows me knows is no who I am at all...bit it has been that way lately) then I am not going to see positive changes in my life.

I read the quote I opened this post with, earlier today. I need to get out of the water before I drown. I have come up for air once or twice recently, but I end up face first again with in a day or two. I need to stop letting other people dictate what kind of mood I am going to be in. I need to get back to me! Today is the first day of the swim towards shore.

Time to re-evaluate (AGAIN!)

Okay, so the new program I started back in August proved to be exactly what I needed for performance while running. I was able to shave almost 10 minutes off of my personal best time for running the half marathon back in September. I have a new goal of getting under 2 hours by my next half marathon, which is looking like sometime in the early spring (Halifax or Fredericton??).

Unfortunately I am seeing ZERO results on the scale. I know the scale is just a number, but as far as weight loss/definition and sculpting this new plan doesn't seem to be working. I try so hard not t get frustrated, and to experiment with different things. This past week was a huge slap in the face at weigh in. I was as close to perfect as I have ever been with my timing, with my water, with what I ate. I also made sure to get to the gym just about every day. Result...up 3 pounds!! WTF! I had the worst week ever two weeks ago as far as being on plan, and I was only up a half pound then. FRUSTRATED to say the least.

My consultant has been great with trying to help me figure out what could be hindering my success on the scale. I have to remember I have lost 80 (plus or minus depending on the week) pounds. I AM successful, I have maintained that weight loss for almost 3 years now. BUT, I just want a little more. To hit that 100 pound mark would make me soar. I want to be able to put on a two piece bathing suit with pride. I also want one day where I don't think about every ounce of food i put in my body, and I don't stress out about missing one day at the gym...

so what have we narrowed it down to....stress! Stress hinders weight loss, that is not a secret. I am having some serious doubts about my career path, I am stressed out about losing the weight, I am high strung in regards to getting my new place decorated and "put together". These are all things that have been there, nipping at the back of my mind, for ever (mind you the house has changed 4 times in 3 years...which could also be adding to the stress). So what is my solution.... I don't know just yet. I need a hobby...i need something I am passionate about that I can focus on and feel good about. I need something I am good at. Now to find it. I have tons of ideas, have for a long time...now I just need to put something into action. Lets see where this goes :)

New Chapter

I am excited today. I am like a child waiting for christmas. I have always loved, and still love the weight watchers program, but i think it has done as much for me as it can. It is a fantastic program that will give results to absolutely anyone who follows the rules and the rules are easy to follow. I have been following then for 4 1/2 years now, and it has gifted me with a ~80 lbs weight loss that I have been able to maintain. But I am bored, and I want more...don't we all.

I am healthy now. I know that. I look fine, I am not over weight and I am fairly athletic. But I want to take it to the next level. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to be a size 0 supermodel...well I do, but I know that is not realistic for me. I want to look in the mirror and knock my own socks off, simple as that. What that means is not necessarily a number on the scale, although I do have a goal in mind, I will not measure success only by that number. I want to be lean. I want to be sexy. I want to wear a bikini. I want to feel like the outside matches the inside, and I am soooooooooo close. I just need that one extra something...and I think I found it!!

I have been considering this program for about a year now, off and on. I wans't all that sure what it was about. I had visions of supplements and high costs in my head...poeple who just want my money and don't really care about my results. I thought of other programs I had looked into and how they were generic, nothing really tailor made for me...I wanted tailor made, I CRAVED tailor made. So I finally got it in my head to go and have a consultation. I already love the program and I haven't even started yet. Why? Because it isn't focused on weight loss, it isn't generic, and it doesn't involve any magic pills or special potions. it involves real food. Simply for Life looks like it will be what I need to get to my ULTIMATE goal of 100 pounds lost...although I am not focusing only on the number. If I can confidently wear a bikini and 90 pounds lost, I am great with that.

The other great thing is that they are goingto customize the program to help with my marathon training!! I know I don't eat the right things for a runner, I just eat what I know. This is going to help my performance and maybe even boost my love of running to a level wherea notehr full marathon is not out of the question. I look forard to sharing this new chapter of my journey with you all.

I can't believe I am saying this....

So, I have been so happy this summer to not have a strict running regime to stick to,. After training for and completing the 1/2 at Marathon by the Sea in 2007 and the Full Marathon in 2008, I was anxious to have a summer where running didn't dictate my evenings/weekends. I have been keeping myself busy with lots of other activities, and getting a run in here and there, but nothing strict or formal. I have had many people asking me if I was going to be doing another marathon this year and I laughed ans said never again. Maybe someday another 1/2, but not a full.

I thought I was happy with not running. But to be true to myself I would see people out running and long for the discipline and high that comes with running. So I started a strict and somewhat intense 8 week schedule to get ready for the 1/2 at Marathon by the Sea again this year...the countdown is on. As soon as I made the decision I felt more fit and more focused then I have in a long time. 1 week in, I have completed all of the scheduled runs and am feeling awesome!

If only I could have the same strict control over food I would be set. I am trying hard to stay on plan and write down what I eat. More on that later.

Facing Reality

I usually weigh in on tuesdays, but since I was moving this past tuesday, I missed my usual meeting. I went in yesterday and was a whopping 167, not really my ideal weight, or where I want to be, but it was a slap in the face to get back on track, no more excuses, no more "starting tomorrow"s.

Had a surprise visit from family this afternoon and went out for dinner, which is always something I need mental preparation for if I am going to be good. I ended up going with a 6" calzone...estimated (which I HATE doing) 10 points. I atleast stuck to writing everything down today. That is number one goal to getting back on track.

I have been doing well with getting in activity. Monday I did a 50 minute spin class, tuesday was bootcamp and moving out o fmy old place, wednesday I moved into the new place, but didn't get a formal workout in, thursday was bootcamp again, and this afternoon i did another 50 minute spin class. felt great getting in the workouts, and sweating a bit. I am not sure bootcamp is doing for me what i need, but it is better than nothing. I am trying to work out a gym schedule that will give me what i need and be fun at the same time...we will see how it goes.

Back and Better than Ever!!

So I have been away from this for waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long. I need accountability, I need to brag about my success and I need to have support when I flub up. So here I am again, trying to get back into the blogging thing. I love to do it, but finding the time has been a bit of a challenge. I haev decided that, as my title suggests, I am worth it.

So here is my update:

I hit my weight watchers goal weight weekes before my wedding, and became a lifetime member a week before the wedding. It was great, the wedding was great. Lots of life changes in the last little while, but I am still mainaining ALMOST my weight watchers goal weight. Goal was 160...I have been hovering a little closer (or exactly at) the 165 mark for the last year. September 2008 i ran my first marathon (did a 1/2 in september 2007, and a half in July of 2008 as well). The training for that really boosted my appetite, and I haven't been able to get back to the 160 mark yet. Accountability is what I am missing, so we will see how this blogging thing goes this time around.