Just Checkin in

I did really well watching what I put into my mouth for most of last week, but as usual the weekend kicked my ass... I decided that I would make some carrot muffins with cream cheese icing (low fat carrot cake, low fat cream cheese), and it was so good. I made 18 muffins, and between Josh and me they were gone by the end of the weekend. (To my credit Josh had more than I did). This combined with a Pizza/garlic bread night, and a foot long subway sub, provided for a nice gain of almost 2 pounds this week (BLAH!!!).

For those of you who are counting, or who have lost count more like it, I am now at 205 pounds (I hate saying that)...which is a 39 pound loss from last year...February 1st, 2006, when I started this whole weightloss journey. It also is the same weight I was at in July! This is right, in 7 months I have lost, gained, and lost and gained the same 5 pounds about 7 times! This is really starting to wear me out...it is like my body knows how badly I would love to be under 200 pounds for once in my adult life! aaarrrggggg...so frustrating...

BUT the good news is that I know exactly why I am not losing...bad news is for some reason I keep sabotaging myself. I will have one week where I will do what I need to do (and I will lose a few pounds) then a week where I somehow forget everything I have learned in the last year (and I gain a few pounds).

I am not trying to be all boohoo Carolyn, feel bad for me, not at all. I am trying to make myself accountable for the bad choices I repeatedly make, and I think that confessing this out loud (or on the internet) is what I need. I can sit here and say it to myself over and over, but until I actually put it out there, I don't think I can actually do anything about it.

So what I have to do is start from the beginning...all over again. I need to establish why I am doing this, what my goals are, why I want to reach those goals, and how I am going to get there! Sorry to you all who thought this would be an exciting post ;)

Why I am doing this:
1. To be healthy, cause my family is a walking medical reference, and I don't want to be a part of that!
2. To be comfortable with me. I hate the feeling you have as a chubby girl in today's world; it is not pleasant at all. I just want to feel good about who I am.

What my goals are:
I would like to lose 5 pounds a month. If I do that, then in 1 year I will be at my goal weight of 144 pounds.

How I am going to get there:
1. JOURNALING! I need to write down every bit of food that goes into my mouth. To some this seems extreme, to me it is the only way I am accountable for what I am eating. No days off from journaling, and no excuses to go over my daily points allowance (including flex and activity points of course)
2. EXERCISE: I am committing to 5 days of exercise a week. All of these days will involve cardio training of at least 30 minutes, and 3 times a week I will do strength training. NO EXCUSES!
3. No TV until 8:00pm during the week: Seems simple...but it is not. TV is what I use for relaxation, and I need to change that. Once and a while it is an okay thing to do, watch a good show here and there, and I can not cut it out completely just yet, but I am going to limit myself. this is in hopes of becoming a little more active.

So there, hopefully this "plan" will help drive me in the proper direction. It is down on "paper", and I can look back at it when I need to.

Now I am going to reread all of my old posts, to see if I can remember how great it feels to be on the "losing" path!